I remember a situation in my life when I was really hurting. I was talking with someone, well sobbing actually. I could hardly get the words out, “All I want is for someone to tell me everything is going to be ok.” “For once in my life, I would like to have someone take care of me.”
I started out sharing that today because in that moment, and there’s been others, I was experiencing hopelessness & despair. It’s been a life long struggle of mine to feel like I belong. I never knew self-acceptance growing up. I always believed that I had to ‘prove’ myself in order to be loved & accepted.
As I read both those paragraphs, I’m not sure how they’re connected and yet I know they are. I was so moved by the responses from my post a couple of weeks ago on Acceptance, that I wanted to go a little deeper into it today.
This morning during my meditation I saw “the list” pop into my mind. You know, the list that tells you once you’ve accomplished this or let go of that, then you’ll be ok?
How often do you work hard to achieve something with the belief somewhere in your mind that says, once I do this, everything will be great?
My mind operated under the assumption that if I just heal this or discover that about myself, then I’ll be loved and accepted. I said it in the past tense, as I’m aware of it today. And, it doesn’t mean I don’t get caught up in creating that list still.
Self- acceptance, self-love isn’t a destination that you ever arrive at.
It’s is a choice that you make in every moment.
A couple of years ago, I was at Body Blitz in Toronto, with a friend. It’s a women’s only water therapies spa & bathing suits are optional. I was not watching the women that had the courage to NOT wear their bathing suits. I thought to myself, I wish I had their kind of body so I could feel ok to swim with no suit. In that second, my heart started racing because the next realization that popped into my head was, this is what you need to do Beth. Sometimes, I hate it when my wise self gets these crazy ideas! But, deep in my heart I knew it was exactly what I needed to do.
So, in Beth style, on Valentine’s day, I took my Bare Naked Self (love the reference) to Body Blitz. I did ask a close friend to join me in support.
I can still remember sitting in the sauna, with nothing covering myself feeling the complete acceptance well up in my heart. I belonged here exactly as I was.
In order to be loved, I need to love.
It all begins with me.
And when I love all of me, it gives me the ability to love all.
If not YOU, then who?
What do you long to accept in yourself? Click here if acceptance is what you’d like more of!
Till next time.