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Years ago, in the Downton Abbey era, a well-regarded captain stood on the bridge of a British battleship, watching the sun set across the sea. As the story goes, the captain was about to head below for dinner when a lookout suddenly announced, “Light, sir. Dead ahead two miles.” The captain turned back toward the helm. “Is it steady or moving?” he asked, these being the days before radar. “Steady, Captain.”  “Then signal that ship,” the captain ordered gruffly. “Tell them, You are on a collision course. Alter course twenty degrees.”  The answer, from the source of the light, came back moments later: “Advisable you change your course twenty degrees.”

The captain was insulted. Not only was his authority being challenged, but also it was being done in front of a junior seaman!  “Send another message,” he snarled. “‘We are HMS Defiant, a thirty-five thousand-ton battleship of the dreadnaught class. Change course twenty degrees.”  “Brilliant sir,” came the reply. “I’m Seaman O’Reilly of the second class. Change your course immediately.”  Apoplectic and red in the face, the captain shouted. “We are the flagship of Admiral Sir William Atkinson-Willes! CHANGE YOUR COURSE TWENTY DEGREES!”

There was a moment of silence before Seaman O’Reilly replied, “We are a lighthouse sir.”

This exert is taken from the book written by Susan David, PhD, Emotional Agility.

Do you ever have those moments in your life where the fog lifts & you see so clearly that it blows your mind?

I’ve been quoting a paragraph on acceptance from this book for a couple of years. I decided it was time to buy it. The exert above is the opening page. Needless to say, I’m hooked. 😆 It’s funny that I used hooked, because that captain was hooked.

It’s summer, a time for enjoying long days, warm weather, visits to the beach or cottage. I’m picturing a pitcher of sangria, a patio by the ocean & a group of girlfriends laughing & enjoying each others company. There’s nothing that needs to get done, only having fun. I hope you have a few of these nights scheduled.

Ok, back to the captain for a sec.

You’re the captain in your life, me too. Part of why I do what I do is because I’m always learning. I love to share my journey & what I learn as a narrative for you to reflect on your life. I believe the more we, as women, can share our journeys with each other, the better equipped we’ll be when life gets challenging.

Where are you being like the captain? I’ve never been obstinate about anything, ever. (Did you see my nose grow about 2 ft long)

Alight, I’m about to do a total geek out with my love for science fiction. Stay with me here.

Who’s watched the series, Firefly? Zoe was the voice of reason behind Captain Malcolm Reynolds. Spock was that for Captain Kirk, Willow played that role for Buffy.

We all need that person, the one that champions us, helps us course correct. The one that can lend a hand when it feels like it’s too much. I like to think of her as the Vision keeper. I have one, well, a few in fact. I have a coach & I have a Cecily. Everyone needs a Cecily in their lives. She doesn’t let me beat myself up. She sees objectively & she’s not afraid to share her thoughts.

I like to think of myself as Zoe, Spock & Willow all rolled up in a Bodacious package.

Where do you want to go in your life? Do you wake up every morning, like you did when you were young, excited to start your day? Or, do you wake up thinking about everything you wish were different in your life?

I’ve been there. Hell, I still go there some mornings. The difference today is that I’ve learned to recognize it & I’ve got the tools to course correct.

What are you waiting for? I would love to be your champion.

Ready to change your course? Book a Bodacious Conversation with me. It’s my birthday month and I’ve created space for 2 women to embark on a 6 month journey.

👉 BOOK YOUR CALL 👈

I’ve always professed that if someone would only give me the answers, then I’d be able to fix whatever’s wrong with my life.

I have this inner radar that’s paying close attention to everything that’s being said, by everyone; my coach, my clients, the internet. If I could just figure out what’s wrong, then I won’t have to work so f***ing hard. Yup, I dropped the F bomb.

Remember Bob Newhart, STOP IT!

“We can’t solve problems with the same kind of thinking that we used in creating them.” Albert Einstein

Last week I had the privilege of leading a break-out session for a conference for Administrative Professionals. I wanted the group to experience the impact of the stress they carry in their bodies. What better way to do that then show them what multi-tasking does to their stress levels.

Picture this, 2 circles of women, about 14 in each. I gave each circle a tennis ball and instructed them to toss it to on another. Simple enough, right? Then I added a 2nd ball & a 3rd ball. See where I’m going? By the time one group got to 4 balls, they started dropping them. They made it to 7 balls in total, with lots of the balls having to be retrieved.

The ladies had a lot of fun playing, but when they sat down and I asked who got stressed out by the game, quite a few raised their hands.

So, we dug a little deeper and came up with the cycle of how we can constantly be stressed.

We doubt something, maybe it’s a decision to apply for a new job, or we doubt our ability to make something happen, because it hasn’t worked in the past.

In comes worry. What do they think of me? Am I doing enough, I don’t want people to think I’m lazy or don’t work hard enough?

And, boom, we’re stressed. Do more, be more, work more.

And then for something completely different, we do it all again, over & over & over…..

STOP IT!!!

“You are not your thoughts. You are the awareness of your thoughts.”

You’ve been carrying around these habits, patterns if you want to call them that, for such a long time.

Doubt - Worry - Stress - Repeat

I’ve been there, I can still go there. 40+ years of doubting me doesn’t just disappear overnight.

Here’s the thing though. Awareness, being able to recognize when my doubting voices start nattering in my head has become the key to my stopping. I actually say it out loud. STOP IT.

Then I take a deep breath in, slowly exhale and give myself permission to not know all the answers. Just like our negative thoughts, we can learn positive ones as well. I love introducing compassion as a practice.

Website image Self Doubt workshop

READY to STOP the incessant cycle that is holding you hostage from the life YOU know you deserve?

I would love for you to join me along with 8 women on a 6 week journey. We’ll be meeting weekly, starting May 29th at 6:30pm Eastern for 2 hours.

Registration opens this Friday morning. Your investment, in you, is $197.00, Canadian.

Hear what past participants have said.

“I underestimated the impact of the group/phone coaching. I was excited to participate but really did not think it would be able to go as deep and leave so much impact as it did. So, I truly did get more than I signed up for!”

“To be gentle on myself - we all struggle with so many of the same things so I don’t feel so alone in my challenges.”

This will be the 4th time I’ve lead this program and it’s sold out every time.

Better still, let's connect by phone! 

Just do the opposite!

I love watching how my clients imaginations get sparked. There’s a saying that just popped into my head. The teacher will appear when you’re ready to learn. We have the choice of looking at every situation in our lives in 2 ways; as something that’s happening to us or as an opportunity to learn.

What have you become aware of this past week? Have you noticed any commentaries that run through your mind over & over & over again?

Awareness is the new black! I swear.

Back to my client. She told me on one of our calls that she’s purposefully doing the opposite of what she’d normally do. It’s teaching her so much about her beliefs, her comfort zone and most importantly, where she’s feeling stuck.

We’re creatures of habit.

I know, the moment I wrote that another voice inside my head said, don’t fence me in! Ha! If you think about your life though, and got really honest, there’s something that feels really comforting about knowing what to expect. It’s less scary.

Monday’s are a full day for me. And, my habit is to relax during the evening, yup, with Netflix. I was invited to join an African drumming circle a couple of weeks ago. Secretly, I really wanted to go, but by 4pm each week, I made the choice to stick to my Monday night ritual.

Yesterday, I decided to do the opposite.  OMG! I had so much fun and I learned how to play the Djembe.

Here’s a little taste of our instructor jamming… Pardon the size, for the life of me I can't figure out how to adjust it. 😆 

Doing the opposite of what I always do gave me the chance to have fun, learn something new, meet some great people and not go to bed feeling the same way I do, every single Monday.

“We can’t solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them”

Albert Einstein

Read that one again!

One of the ways we get so stuck in our life is by doubting ourselves and the choices and decisions we’ve made.  Self-Doubt can be so crippling. Should I apply for that new job? I should have stayed at the office longer. If only I had stayed in school.

What are your biggest doubts that nag you? Take some time today to listen.

Ok, let’s do a quick review.

STOP IT!! This comes first. Remember Bob Newhart?

Next is awareness. Noticing only. What are the thoughts running around your head?

In order to get to where you want to go, you need to become aware of where you are.

This week, we’re going big!! Do the opposite! Get out of bed on the other side, take a new route to the office. Instead of turning the TV on for the entire evening, pick up a book, or go for a walk, or have a dance party in your kitchen. Just do the opposite of what you normally do. 

Then, bring in your awareness. Only now, add compassion to the mix. Think about what you would say to your best friend if they did something new. Compassion is a game changer. There’s no room for your inner critic when compassion is present.

I can’t wait to hear what you do that’s opposite!

Leave a comment or send me a note. Email Beth

Want to know more about how your doubts are keeping you stuck?

Let's talk.

Hineni – I am READY!

Who would have known that 2 simple words could hold such a charge for so many!

STOP IT!!

I won’t torture you with Bob Newhart again as I’m sure you’ve got an old voice that’s been playing on an endless loop, inside your mind, for years and years.

Do any of these sound familiar?

“Don’t do that” “Why’d you say that, what are they going to think now?”

“I’m smart, so why can’t I figure this out? I don’t even know what ‘this is.”

roberto-nickson-434446-unsplash

What’s your favourite couch outfit? You know, the one you put on Friday night when you finally get home from the office and you have no place to be or anything to do? You pick up the phone to order in, you can’t wait for dinner to arrive. You’ve been dying to take a night off and watch a couple episodes of the Santa Clara Diet. Who doesn’t love Drew Barrymore?

Are you with me? Feeling like you wished it was already Friday?

Great!

Struggle is like that outfit you put on Friday night.

Struggle is like that security blanket that little children hold onto for dear life. There’s comfort in what you know versus what you don’t know.

It’s week 2 and I want you to really meet your friend struggle. She/He is the whole reason you’re feeling stuck and questioning everything.

We learn habits when we’re young and then we do our best to perfect them as we grow up. There’s the good habits, exercise, eat properly. Then there’s all the other habits we learn, work hard, work really hard, get the job of your dreams, or at least it used to be your dream. You’re not so sure anymore. I won’t even mention the control word or that never ending ‘to do’ list that wakes you up in the middle of the night.

I want you to know You are NOT Alone!

I lead a Women’s Group that meets in person twice a month. The most powerful magic that I get to see every time we meet is how they each relate to what the other is saying. There’s nothing better than hearing the thoughts that live inside your head be shared by another woman. And then to hold that space, not to fix, not to solve, but just to experience how much we’ve been holding onto something, without even realizing it. That’s where transformation begins, in letting it out.

Last week was all about stopping and noticing.

This week, continue stopping and noticing. Only now bring in your awareness to play along.

You are NOT your thoughts. You are the AWARENESS of your thoughts.

And, it’s your thoughts that are keeping you from living the life I know you want to live.

“If I can just nail this presentation, then everything will be ok.” or some version of that belief.

We tell ourselves that in order to be rewarded or loved, that we have to perform, show up in the world in a specific way. It’s such a lie.

I titled this weeks blog, Hineni - I am Ready.

I KNOW you’re ready and I promise you this is the way.

Please keep me posted! I loved the feedback and I loved being able to redirect and champion you!  Reply here! What are you learning? What would you like to share?

I’ll be back next week with step 3!

Leave a comment or send me a note. Email Beth

ARE YOU CURIOUS ABOUT YOUR STRUGGLE STORY? LET'S CONNECT. BOOK YOUR BUST MY STRUGGLE STORY CALL TODAY!

Stop Struggling, No seriously, stop!

Picture this. I’m sitting in the office of my amazing corporate client last week. I’ve got an agenda for our meeting. She’s out of town this week and I want to be productive.

Got it? Ok! The next thing I know she’s showing me this Youtube video titled Stop it.

Here I was on the receiving end of what’s getting in my way. There’s nothing like having someone ask you a whole bunch of powerful questions to get to the heart of the matter! (wink)

Guess what’s at the heart of my struggling?

ME! I am the only one responsible for my struggling. Yuck!

Confession time! I have been locked in a struggle AND, what’s worse, I’ve been feeding that struggle.

I’m so tired of waking up every single morning with the same stupid thoughts. They’re actually not just thoughts, they’re worries. It’s like I wake up and my mind goes straight to the race track to do a few hundred laps to warm up for the day. And I haven’t even gotten out of bed yet.

Thank goodness for my cat, Brutus. His cuddles are amazing for helping me stop the worry laps, even if it’s just for a few minutes.

What are some of your 1st thoughts in the morning?

Ok, back to struggle! It’s becoming my favourite topic. I’m on a mission to busting the bulls**t lie that “The struggle is real.”

THE ONLY THING REAL ABOUT STRUGGLE IS THAT IT’S A COMPLETE LIE.

Yup, and what’s worse, is it’s like your best friend. Seriously, who wants a friend like that?

“We’re more terrified of what we don’t know that we continue to exist in a life we don’t like”

I have the most amazing friends that are so wise. Everyone should have a Cecily in their life.

What would you do, how would you feel, if you didn’t have to struggle? Even as I consider that, I can feel a lump in my throat. I’m thrilled and hopeful that it could be true and at the same time, it’s like, egads, what would I do?

I got ahead of myself. I sometimes like to go straight to the shiny object. It feels better than playing in the muck. I’ve learned that the gold is in the muck. Kind of like the oyster out of the clam. I love metaphors.

The first key to stopping struggle is to admit that you’re struggling and then stop. What? Yup, that’s it. If you follow me on Facebook, a friend just posted her 1st step is to yell I QUIT.

Struggling is how we think we need to cope with life. What struggle is really doing is robbing us of what’s really going on. We lie to ourselves by saying “If I could just figure this out, then my life will be ok.” 

What if, your life were already ok and there was nothing to solve? I’m not saying that life is perfect, or there aren’t choices and decisions to be made. I’m offering, in this moment, by letting go of the lie that you have to do or be anything you aren't, is what's keeping you away from your true self.

For me, when I struggle sometimes it’s because I don’t want to feel sadness or hurt or loneliness.  When I deny my emotions, no matter what they are, I stay stuck in my loop of struggle and worry.

For the next week, make it a game. It’s the Bust the Struggle Myth Awareness Week! Notice when you’re struggling and tell yourself, I’m stopping now. There’s nothing to solve, just notice.

As you learn awareness, you’ll be able to stop your struggle story.

I’ll be back next week with the 2nd step. In the meantime, I would love to know what your struggle path is like? What are the 1sts thoughts you wake up with in the morning? How do you manage struggle?

Leave a comment or send me a note. Email Beth

Are you curious about your struggle story? Let's connect. Book your Bust My Struggle Story call today!

about Beth

Beth’s fiercely courageous life has been built on the premise of don’t settle. She is a survivor who has beaten the odds by taking charge of her own destiny.

From finance, to film, to successful entrepreneur, Beth has always lived life driven by her own rules. Her innate ability to make things happen & ‘get it done’ has lead her to founding “The Bodacious Way.”

Beth, a CPCC, champions women to uncover what’s beneath the stories they tell themselves that keep them living a life less than they desire.

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