It’s been a while. I keep waiting to learn the perfect formula for social media and the best way to engage through blogging. I have to say, it’s exhausting. And, in the interest of full disclosure, I don’t feel like I’m any further ahead. I actually spent 2 hours this morning trying to find the perfect problem for me to create the perfect Opt-In. Wow! I just used the word perfect 3 times in one paragraph!
The only thing I’ve accomplished is frustration and disappointment in myself for not doing enough. And, anger, I can’t forget about the anger I feel towards not accomplishing all the things I want to accomplish. Here I go again, telling myself I’m not being and doing enough. I’m a failure, I suck, I should just pack up my bags and leave….. OMG! See how fast I spiral down? This really happens to me……
What takes you from feeling like you’re on top of the world, conquering everything you’ve set out to achieve to feeling like shit and what the heck were you thinking anyway?
One of the greatest freedoms for me has been learning how I can take myself from feeling joy to feeling hopeless in a split second. Stay tuned for next weeks blog, I’m going to offer some ways for you to begin learning how you can recognize where & when you spiral.
Valentine Day is coming up. I used to hate Valentine Day. I would begin to cringe near the end of January. The stores would be full of red hearts and stupid cards that said “I Love You.” or “Be Mine.” Nobody wants me, nobody loves me….. (I’m laughing remembering how I used to feel as I write this)
So, in keeping with the theme of love, loving another, being loved by another, how important is self love?
I never loved my body. I was too fat, too short, my breasts were too big, I had red hair. Nobody’s ever going to love me, hell, I don’t even love myself. I could continue with my old self loathing story. Kids were mean when I was growing up. I developed early and had to start wearing a bra in grade 6. I remember feeling so ashamed everyday at school. The boys would tease me & pull on the strap. I got the nickname 36C in grade 9. I was so embarrassed. And, there was nothing I could do about it, which made me feel even worse about myself.
I always said, If I ever lose my weight, I want to have a flat stomach and perky breasts. That dream came true for me in 2005. I joined Weight Watchers & over the course of a year, I lost 100 lbs. I was on top of the world. I could walk into any store & buy clothes. I looked amazing, on the outside. I had a whole different story playing out on the inside. I had become obsessed with my excess skin. I felt like I was being punished for being a bad person with a weight problem.
Remembering my dream of a flat tummy & perky breasts, I went under the knife in 2006.
And……….then my world fell apart.
You know the statistics, 1 in 1 million? I became the 1. There was a complication in my breast reconstruction and on Boxing Day, I lost my breasts……. What the F***? Why me?
The only way I got through all the operations was to go numb inside. I remember telling myself, don’t feel Beth, don’t feel. It was too painful to feel the hurt, the anger. I felt like my body had betrayed me. Little did I know the impact this life changing event would have on me.
What events happened in your life that have shaped you into who you are today?
My physical recovery took time. My emotional recovery took even longer. I came to a point where I couldn’t do it on my own so I reached out for help. I started with therapy and then found a woman’s group. And that lead me to coaching.
The biggest hurdle I had to overcome was to learn to let go. To let go of the hurt, the anger, the disappointment, the betrayal, the blame, the fear. I had spent a lifetime bottling up my emotions.
The only way I was going to get over this was to go through and let myself feel everything. There was nothing I could do to get my breasts back, but what I could do was learn to accept what happened.
So, where’s the self love Beth?
In January 2014 I was at Body Blitz, a women only water therapies spa in Toronto with a friend. Bathing suits were optional. I could feel myself longing to be confident enough to enjoy the waters without a bathing suit. What was stopping me? Me, I was the only person that was stopping me.
So, in Beth style, I told my friend I’m coming to Body Blitz on Valentine Day & I’m going to love myself enough to do it naked….. What the F**** had I just set myself up for?
It was the bestest Valentine Day ever. I took my big, beautiful, bold naked body to the spa. I was shy at first, but then I noticed that nobody was staring at me, everyone was in their own world, probably listening to their own voices.
I remember sitting in the sauna. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to feel. I could feel my inner champion just bursting at the seams. I belonged here, I was beautiful exactly as I was. In that moment, I felt so much self love for myself, it moved me to tears.
Have you ever felt the sweet tenderness of self love?
Self love is the knowing with no hesitation that you are beautiful inside and out. It’s the knowing that there’s absolutely nothing you have to do to be accepted, for you accept everything about you. And, it’s so much more. It’s not a destination that you ever arrive at. Loving yourself changes everyday.
One of the first things I introduce my clients to is a compassionate practice. They get to define what being compassionate is for themselves. I get so moved by witnessing what they’re learning for themselves.
Where does compassion fit in your life? Do the voices in your head support you or do they want you to work harder, be more of this, less of that?
I would like to invite you to create your own compassionate practice.
What’s one way you can be compassionate with yourself today? And, how did it make you feel?
Let’s all learn compassion together! I would love for you to join the conversation on my Facebook Page. I’ll be sharing there all month on self love. Here’s the link: BETH’S FACEBOOK PAGE
Till next week!
Are you ready to live a Bodacious Life? What is a Bodacious life, you ask?
It’s about living your life without apology
It’s about refusing to settle
It’s about embracing freedom
And, so much more….
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Beth McKay, CPCC, is the CBO, the Chief Bodacious Officer and founder extraordinaire of The Bodacious Way. Beth has been described as a tenacious, determined and compassionate coach. A Professional Certified Coach & Motivational speaker, Beth thrives on waking women up to the core truths of who they are. Beth believes that a women that embodies her truths is a woman in charge of creating the life she dreams of living.
Are you ready to live your life without apology? I’M READY